i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
