I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
