so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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