I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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