maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
