You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
