no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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