What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
