There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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