my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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