can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
