I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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