Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
