OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
