I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
