well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
These tits shall not be calmed
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
