But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
