I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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