just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
