even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
