I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
