i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Bring me that man meat
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
