I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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