It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
