i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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