i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
