Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
