So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
