She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
