It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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