so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Farmville is her only friend.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
