i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
