I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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