I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
