i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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