Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
