Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
