Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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