i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
