this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
