I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
God, I missed his penis.
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