sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
