i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
