Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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