My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
