There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
