Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
