Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
