trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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