I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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