I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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