i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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