After last night, I could never be a politician.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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